Why am I doing this to myself?

I cry so bad and act like I'm okay so that he doesn't know how I am actually feeling about this? I miss him a lot. I wanna meet him but I can't. Am I the only one excited about my 6months anniv? I know he is but why isn't he acting like he is? I can't meet him on the 29th-31st, I'm sorry. It's a family thing. And I'm not a 100% sure bout meeting him on the 1st/2nd. But don't you know that I'll try my best just to meet you? I wanna meet you. I wanna hang out with you. And celebrate your birthday and our anniv. But at the same time, I don't want you to feel like I control you or anything. I don't wanna be selfish. Oh my, I am crying my eyes out cause I've been missing you so much. And I thought you said you wanted to choose our ring together? What happened to that? Oh my. Screw me. I have to let him have fun with his friends. A girlfriend needs to give her boyfriend some space right? Well, I'll give it to you even if it hurts me that much. Have fun later.