Figuring out myself :]

16th December 2007,
you had the guts of telling me how you feel. I had the guts of telling you that I started to fall for you. I told you when I saw you with other girls, I cried. And you laughed. We texted the whole day. In the evening. we met at the playground. I was scared. I asked you what if someone finds out and tell my parents? Then you put your arm around me, and you gave me the warm feeling I never had before, and you whispered to my ears, "Darl, everything's gonna be alright. I'll be here forever with you. If your parents find out about us, I'll meet them face to face. And I'll tell them how much I love you" I smiled and whispered back, "Thanks honey, I know you'll always be there for me." You made my day. I was the happiest person alive at that time.

We went through lots of things together, up and down. That bench at the playground was ours. We wrote our names on that bench. One day, my parents knew bout us. I was scared. I said I was sorry for not telling mom&dad bout me&him. Dad didnt like it, dad wants me to finish my study first. Dad was very dissapointed. The only word came out from my mouth was sorry. Suddenly, I heard someone from outside. I knew that voice. It was you. You were trying to tell my parents about us. You told them how much you love me, and how much you cant live without me. Mom smiled, and I know that face. Dad smiled when he made an eye contact with mom. They both understand us. You did it. They said, they're okay with our relationship. and again, you made my day.You made me feel like I was the only girl in the world.

16th December 2008
"Happy anniversary, sayang" first thing I read when I woke up. I didn't know it was our anniversary. You were kinda pissed off cz I didnt remember our anniversary. I told you, it wasnt a big deal. Its just the first year. You said it was & it will always be when there's something to do with us. I said I was sorry. I didnt mean to hurt you. and you said, its okay, as long as you're happy You never failed makin my day. I was very happy. You asked me to wait outside of my house. And I did. Then you came, with the red motorcycle your dad bought for you for your birthday.You brought a teddy bear with you. With hearts on it saying I love you. Dude, that was the sweetest thing ever. I hugged you, and i said "I love you, more than words" You smiled, And we decided to go to the playground. Our usual place. When we were there, I felt something different. You smiled to me and asked me if there anything wrong, and I said it was nothing. You told me "Darl, if there's something please tell me. It might be the last time for me listening to your voice" I slapped you. I said dont you ever said that. please, no more. "whatever happens, remember this, I will always love you. and I'll always be there in your heart." thats how you replied me. We talked, we played, we hugged. That was the best day ever. At night, I texted you, I said I miss you & I feel like crying. You did not reply me. I called, your phone was off. I was kinda pissed off. At 9, I received a call from an unknown number. I answered, it was your elder sister, Kak Fieka. She said you had an accident with a car. But that son of a bith [the car] ran away. I felt like my world was dark. I felt like everything was a dream. I screamed. Mom went upstairs and saw me crying. I went to your house for Yasin. I saw your body but there's no you inside. I can barely see things. I felt like I was dreaming & hoping it wasnt true. :'(

The first year, only God knows how was I. I dreamt bout you like almost everyday. I screamed for no reason. I didnt have the appetite to eat. I cant even smile. I know it was all my fault. I wasnt there when you took your last breathe. I wasnt there when you need me. I didnt see the world for almost three months. Now, here am I, sitting on the bench where we used to sit together. The only different is, I'm here without you. I miss the way you wrapped your arms around me, I miss the way you make me laugh, the way you tell your jokes & the way you looked me in the eyes and say, "darling, I promise everything gonna be alright" When will you be here again for me? never right? why cant I go with you? Why do you have to leave me alone? I might seem so strong outside, but I swear, not in the inside. I love you, and will always do.

I'm here waiting for you, seeing other couple having fun with their love. I just wish you were here. I need you now. I miss you so much :'( please come back..

RIP: Mohd Afiq Shahmi

Al-fatihah..